A Beautiful Soul's Departure: Farewell Janavi Held
by Krishna Kanta Dasi
"Death is not extinguishing the light;it is putting out the lampbecause the dawn has come.”
~Rabindranath Tagore~
Last Saturday, a most beautiful artist, poet, writer and vaishnavi sadly departed. Sri Jahnavi Dasi, (aka Janavi Held) was a dear spiritual sister of mine, and she left this world peacefully after struggling with a relentless and incurable illness for over 6 years. Janavi’s condition caused her to become bedridden and suffer a great deal of pain on a daily basis. Although she was only in her 50’s, I can only imagine that being freed from her body must have felt like a great relief to her beautiful soul.
Janavi first encountered devotees of Krishna in Denver when she was only 19. She lived in the ashrama there and was mentored by Mother Nidra, who became a most loving and supportive presence in Janavi’s life, right up to the end. Having come from a family of publishers and writers, Janavi dedicated herself to the distribution of vaishnava literature then, joining the “sankirtana movement”.Later, Janavi graduated with honors from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, dance and media. At the age of 46, just as her bourgeoning career as a writer and professional photographer was taking off, she unexpectedly and suddenly fell ill.[perfectpullquote align="full" cite="" link="" color="" class="" size=""]Despite enduring intense pain, Janavi’s strong faith enabled her to be most prolific in her writing, expressing her heart through hundreds of poems.[/perfectpullquote]Janavi also managed to create a moving series of artistic self-portraits and photographic collages. These beautiful creations depict the poignant irony Janavi lived; of experiencing her body’s progression toward death, while simultaneously illuminating the vibrant life she felt within her soul.
I knew Janavi to be a very gentle person, sensitive to beautiful music, good literature, nature, the shifting seasons. She was extraordinarily creative, of quick mind, sharp intelligence and a sweet demeanor. She was a talented writer, not only of poetry, but of short stories and essays. Janavi was deeply thoughtful, artistic and skilled at multimedia creations, demonstrated in her Youtube channel, where she features voice narrations of her own poetry delightfully paired with her artwork. Mostly though, I experienced Janavi as a very vibrant, youthful spirit with an endearing childlike innocence that just asked to be loved, and love in return. And lovable she was!Earlier this year two of Janavi Held’s devotional poems were shortlisted for the prestigious Hamilton House International Poetry Prize. Awarded by the University Centre Grimsby, this annual competition receives thousands of entries from writers around the world. Janavi is one of 25 writers whose poems were chosen for worldwide publication in the annual Hammond House poetry anthology, appropriately titled Eternal.Throughout her illness, Janavi took shelter of the Bhakti tradition she had dedicated her life to, receiving constant inspiration from her spiritual guide, Hridayananda Das Goswami. She also drew from the love and support of other devotee friends and family, especially her loving sister, Sue, who was Janavi’s primary caretaker.In 2017, some of Janavi’s poems were published in Bhakti Blossoms: A Collection of Contemporary Vaishnavi Poetry. The same year—with the blessings of her guru—she published her first collection of devotional poetry and photography, entitled Letters to My Oldest Friend. This “oldest friend” of whom Janavi speaks is Lord Krishna, and, in the end, she made him (and his divine older brother, Balarama) her whole meditation.Over the last year, Janavi engaged sweet butterfly metaphors to describe herself in her poems and artwork. Last weekend, she finally emerged from her cocoon, so that she may fly high with her beautiful wings.As words fail me at this time—for I am grieving my dear friend—I thought I would let Janavi speak for herself instead, and share this poem of hers with all of you: one of the last she penned—along with an artistic self-portrait she created.
Life, Death & What’s In-between
by Sri Jahnavi Dasi (Janavi Held)I’ve nearly departed this bodyso many times, I can’t rememberif I am living within the same lifeI was yesterday or if I have beentransferred to yet another existence…Tonight I will go to bed again andgrasp for You in that dark flesh prison;I will wrap what’s left of my bodyaround the thought of you andshed as many tears as it takesto find You where you stand in myheart, loving, waiting.I find that I belong to You, so please,take me where you will, send myshattered body over the land, intothe sea, dismantled atoms scatteredto the elements blending withfog and endless time, so my soulwill breathe without the burden ofcrushing bone and restless thoughts.I am Yours now, so please, take mewhere you will, teach me abouteternity and other things ofconsequence, carry me over theremnants of a life I can barelyremember, over the homes of friendsI can’t recognize, and relatives long lostto the river of time, show me howhallow this bound world is withoutthe idea of loving You forever.You’ve begun to replace all thoughtswith the vision of Your smile, you’veswitched out the tragedies of temporaryaffection with that red spark in Your eyes,You’ve held onto to me so tightly I havelost the will to fight You, You havedrenched my eyes with blessings,You’ve drenched me with the thoughtthat all that’s left is eternity when thiscanister of blood is shattered andthe soul fly’s free…Andsuddenly,as if awar had ended,we cameface to faceand withinthe sweetradianceof YourbeautyI droppedthe shadowsof my old toysand grabbed Youinto my armsimaging that Icould holdYou there…I am Yours nowand I am waiting.~(You may read more of Janavi's poems and view her artwork on her website here, Facebook page here, Youtube channel here and her published poems at the Journey of the Heart women's spiritual poetry journal here.)
If you'd like to offer a donation to help cover cremation expenses for Janavi, as well as help her sister Sue take care of the gargantuan medical bills she was left with as a result of her sister's prolonged illness, you may click here for her Gofundme campaign. Thank you! ??